Sunday 20 Questions - Week 2

Marc and Angel Hack Life is one of my favorite and most inspiring blogs. A while back they had a post on 20 questions to ask yourself every Sunday. Going to give this a try weekly (hopefully at some point on Sundays)!

Here is week 2 (even later this time! whoops!)

1. What did I learn last week?
Taking a few minutes to check your work saves TONS and TONS of time and stress. I didn't make any mistakes last week but that was because I checked my work like a paranoid fiend. I was scared into doing so by coworkers' warnings and stories about my direct supervisor! She's super nice, but apparently does not take kindly to dumb little mistakes; perfectly understandable.

2. What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week?
This is a hard one to think of. I guess going back to work in general and getting through the week with minimal stress. I think i was actually happier than I've been in months this week, despite the exhaustion of adjustment.

3. Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why?
Damn, this is hard. UMMMMMM - I suppose getting obviously hit on and checked out by a new coworker. It was harmless,amusing, and memorable for sure.

4. What’s the #1 thing I need to accomplish this week?
Training and Nutrition boot camp is in order for me this week. Obviously, work will still come first as far as time line but my goal is to get my butt to the gym as my training calendar dictates, no matter how late or early I may leave the office each day. This will be difficult since I've been letting myself relax over the last month or so , especially the last 3 days which were full of shopping, eating, and TV time.

5. What can I do right now to make the week less stressful?
Get some Green tea? Well I am at work, so just writing this post is helping to remind me that I am accountable to my internet audience for my goals. I really wish I would get some work though...ah the joys of being brand new.

6. What have I struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week?
Getting to sleep on time and CRAVINGS!! Both have hindered my health and mood throughout most of my adolescent ant adult life. I feel my sleeping is adjusting well and BF helps a whole lot since he leaves for work even earlier than I do. But the cravings will be a challenge; especially since I let myself binge this weekend.

7. What was last week’s biggest time sink?
During the week I actually did well. It was easy since all I had time to do was wake up, have coffee & breakfast, get ready, go to work, go to the gym, come home, clean myself up, and pass out from shear exhaustion. But then, Friday hit and T.V. time with the honey was upon me and, instead of balancing it with healthy food and gym time, I let it envelope me...all. weekend. Except for some shopping, TV and Food time was all I did while neglecting my to do list. Must learn to balance coming this Friday!!

8. Am I carrying any excess baggage into the week that can be dropped?
Ebay stuff must go, it's starting to clutter the apartment which always adds a bit of extra stress. But on the positive side, this is all new (for ebay) stuff due to our last couple weeks of purging our home of unneeded everything.

9. What have I been avoiding that needs to get done?
BUDGET Updates, Ebay, some Financial Aide help for the little sister, this blog (out of laziness only), and grooming my kitties. All this can be started and completed (except ebay) tonight post gym!!

10. What opportunities are still on the table?
The opportunity to show my new employers that I am a rock star. Must not let shyness and insecurity get in the way!!

11. Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to?
Gotta call the mama. Everyone else I think I've covered via email last week. It felt good to reach out and stop feeling guilty for my lack of communication.

12. Is there anyone that deserves a big ‘Thank You’?
Oh, so many many people. This week I will mentally thank the person who got me running, working out, and eating right. He and I have a very dysfunctional acquaintanceship, so in person thank yous are simply not an option in this case. But despite his "messed-uped-ness", he got me moving; and for that I will always be grateful.

13. How can I help someone else this coming week?
I will be there for the friend that is going through a painful breakup, I'll make myself open and available to everyone at work, and I will encourage BF to eat healthily and workout so he can reach his fitness goals.

14. What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 years?
#1 Get out of Debt. #2 LOVE the healthy lifestyle. #3 Keep our relationship new and loving.

15. Have any of my recent actions moved me closer to my goals?
Yes, I recently consolidated most of my credit card debt into a "0% for one year" offer and the rest is my #1 priority on the pay off list. However, that said, this past week was not a success in terms of budgeting and cutting spending. I will make it a point to devote some attention and energy to that this week.

16. What’s the next step for each goal?
#1 Update my budget to close out April and Start off May. #2 Get excited about training and remember all the nastiness in processed foods. #3 Tell and show BF how much I adore him daily (this one is pretty easy <3)

17. What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week?
TV time with BF. But, in moderation this time ;-)

18. What are my fears?
Fear of failure - at work, at training, at eating healthily, at loving BF and Fear of losing BF. The last one has really been bugging me lately. I (we) have been so immensely happy in our relationship lately that sometimes I get momentarily paralyzed with fear at the thought of losing him in an accident or some such nonsense.

19. What am I most grateful for?
My Family and my BF. Without them I would be a miserable wreck. I love them all so very very much :-)

20. If I knew I only had one week to live, who would I spend my time with?
It would be a hard sell between BF and the Mom and Sis. Ideally I would hole myself up in a house with all three. Actually, ideally this will never happen!

Sunday 20 Questions - Week 1

Marc and Angel Hack Life is one of my favorite and most inspiring blogs. A while back they had a post on 20 questions to ask yourself every Sunday. I've decided I will start to do this weekly right here! Here is week 1 - a little bit late...true to form ;-)

What are your answers? If you blog about this as well let me know! I love to hear about others joys and struggles :)

1. I learned that I am stronger than I think I am. I will accomplish great things even thought there might be many obstacles in my path.

2. My greatest accomplishment was getting a job after 7 months of unemployment!

3. Again with the job offer! Because 7 month of unemployment will make you crazy and the offer seemed to have balanced out my mood and craziness in the snap of a finger!

4. My number 1 goal this week is to learn and study everything about my new job. There will be things I don’t know and I CANNOT put off learning them as I tend to do!

5. I am reminding myself that training starts next week so my focus is on work and that is OK. I will do my best to work out once daily, but the twice dailies are not a focus this week by any means…and that is OK.

6. I’ve struggled with self doubt and low self esteem. I know I can kick ass at this job and I will, but sometimes I will doubt myself, hopefully it won’t cloud me. Nay…It won’t cloud me; I won’t let it!

7. TV…the usual!

8. Worry about my diet (in the healthy sense) and the inches I have put on this month. Training starts soon, this week focus on work!

9. Finishing up ALL the Ebay auctions. I completed a good chunk of them but the few I didn’t have been sitting around for years (seriously!) I will make time on Tuesday or Thursday night to crank those out!

10. A couple more interviews might still be in play, I can still offer my help to friends on a freelance basis and I still have the option of pursuing personal training and nutrition as a side gig.

11. I need to email a number of people that I have been putting off and call my good friend who I accidentally ditched on my last week home due to my depression cloud.

12. Oh so many people in my life deserve a big THANK YOU – my bf, my friends, my family. They have all been so supportive over the last few months in so many different ways. I will make a list and try to thank them all.

13. I already got one of my friends an interview this week! Does that count?? Also, I need to cook and prepare some healthy food to help myself and BF stay in a healthy mindset.

14. 1-Pay off my debts 2-buy a house 3-get a pup!

15. Yes, I stayed out of further debt during unemployment and now I am budgeting with my new job to maximize my money towards debt elimination

16. Cut back on spending; stop giving in to my wants. Same step for all three since they are contingent on each other.

17. I am looking forward to getting down and dirty at my new job and then to Friday night happy hour!!

18. I am afraid that I will not rock the socks of my new boss, or that they will regret hiring me. I know I can prove my awesomeness. There will be things that I don’t know, but I am willing and able to learn and master them. I need to let that shine through and squash that pesky self-doubt

19. I am most grateful for my BF this week. He has handled my unemployment and job offer with such patience and love that I can’t even find the right words to show my gratitude and love for him. He’s the best.

20. My BF, My Sister, and My mom…oh! And my kitties of course!

Unemployment & Depression

As I hinted in previous posts: I was having a bit of a hard time keeping my emotions in check during the tail end of my unemployment. Since roughly the beginning of March, I was pretty much losing it.

The feelings of worthlessness, sadness, frustration, anger, and helplessness were so strong and over powering that simply getting out of bed and trying to maintain the semblance of a healthy routine was utterly exhausting.

Based on my history with bouts of depression I feel confident that I was suffering from mild to moderate clinical depression. Now, I did not go to a doctor, but I was getting there. The thought to seek out help, once again, crossed my mind and BF's lips often over the last 2 months.

Luckily, the stars aligned and my amazing group of friends suddenly set me up with a number of interviews which led to a job offer! The timing was great. Another few weeks of unemployment and I am certain that avoiding the therapist would have been impossible and dangerous.

I want to stress that depression should never be ignored. I justify my own decision to avoid help by telling myself that I am more aware and in control of myself than most people, even in depression. But, in reality, I probably should have gone. I am truly lucky that my situation changed as quickly as it did but it might have changed sooner if I had been able to deal with my anxiety and feelings of despair.

While 7 months of unemployment does majorly SUCK; many others have been and will be unemployed much longer before our country starts to recuperate. I consider myself lucky that depression was the worst part of my experience. Things are ugly out there right now.

If you are stuggling with your own situation (unemployment or any one of the many other things life likes to hurl at us) please seek help. It is critical!

Back!! and EMPLOYED!!!

Hi Everyone! Sorry for my disappearing act. I will write very soon about what caused my escape from blogging.

In other news though; today is my last day of being unemployed!!! I start a new job on Monday at an established, fun, and innovative Silicon Valley advertising agency. So nervous and so excited!

I've missed you guys and will be working myself back into full swing over the next couple weeks :-)

Give me a sign already!!

While commenting on One Little Fish's insight I had a mini revelation....(is that the right word?)

She talks about the messages the universe puts in front of us to help guide us through life's many conundrums; her messages come through music.

As I was writing about my envy for her insight it hit me! My messages come in different forms. I am still envious because only one form is clear to me:

Warning pop into my head, just in and out. Almost like a mini vision that is very easy to ignore and shake. There are two warnings that still haunt me for their clarity.

When I was about 8 years old my mother, step-dad, and I were moving into a new apartment. My mother had a beautiful antique mirror that she adored which hung over her dresser. We had hired movers to take care of all the furniture and most boxes. As the movers arrived I mumbled to my mother that the mirror will break. She gave me an odd, slightly concerned look, and continued down her to-do list as we were in a moving frenzy.

When we finally arrived at our new home, the movers were waiting with sad news - my mom's treasured mirror was broken. She just looked at me with a bit of awe. She still tells that story and takes extra precautions whenever I have a "feeling" about anything.

The second warning hit me just moments before my "lucky" (and only) car accident. I went to college about 75 miles from home. I would come in about 2-3 weekends per month to see my family and BF (same one!). This particular trip was right after my 21st birthday. It was the first Midwestern snow storm of the season - and my first winter as a driver. About 20 miles from home, while moving out of the left most lane, I hit a patch of black ice. I lost complete control of my car, spun straight across the entire FIVE lanes of oncoming traffic, and came to a stop after making-out with the guard rail. I call this my "lucky" accident because ... well FIVE lanes of traffic and not a single car hit me. Had they...this might be a VERY different story. I came out of it with only bad case of the shakes (from fear and shock) and I was close enough to home that BF was able to grab a cab to come rescue me and my car.

Back to the point...before all this happened, I knew it would. About 20 miles into my trip (30 miles before the accident) I was bopping along to music on the freeway at a lightning 40mph and I suddenly just froze in terror. I knew there was an accident on my horizon. I shook it off and kept on driving. I mean, what exactly was I supposed to do, turn around? I am a firm believer in destiny, I believe if I HAD turned around, an accident still would have occurred; and maybe it wouldn't have been as lucky.

When my mom heard my story post accident she just shook her head and said I shouldn't have been in such a rush, I didn't give "it" enough time to warn me. To this day, when I tell her about any feeling or "vision" or dream I have she begs me to take it to heart. But I try not to, because many times it is just a bit of fear or paranoia...this is why I need to figure out how else the universe communicates with me. Then maybe I could filter messages from fears and Law-and-order induced paranoia!

March Goals and Mish Mosh

March Goals:

• Post at least 10 items on Ebay by 3/25 (out of town 3/26-3/31)
• Finish Draft 1 of Business Plan for my new idea by 3/23 (I'll share more in the future!!)
• Do NOT SHOP at all, for anything, except milk, fruits, and veggies until ALL other options are exhausted -this includes clothing, house goods, food, etc. (will spill into April I imagine)
• Call my Credit Card companies and beg them to lower my rates - maybe take some acting lessons first?
• Work on eating SLOOOOWLY - I tend to inhale my food, not so good. (will be ongoing)
  
• Finish the book I'm reading and start a new one.
• Purchase a Printer - Job hunting, writing business plans, and obtaining study sheets all very hard to do without a printer.
• Leave a tidy apartment and some easy heat food for BF before leaving 3/25 (yes, he can fend for himself....but that would mean chipotle, pizza, or pho every day for every meal. I would like him to live to propose and marry me some day you know!)

That's it! All very doable

Now the Mish Mosh:

Sometimes I fear we will become these people:

Using a photo album for coupons. Unclutterer = Brilliant

This is what my nightmares will consist of from this moment on. I am PETRIFIED and allergic to bees....and have been stung 5 times in my life (that I remember). *major shudder*

Oh no no no no...violence is NEVER okay kids. The cat in the baby seat is looking quite sane right now...

2009 Goals - Updates & Revisions

Back in January, after ringing in a splendid New Year, I shared with you my goals.

Since them...some things/expectations/situations/etc. have changed.

Here's an "update" (I use the term loosely because this will also contain some reflection and complaining...hey, gotta be true to myself!)

Financial Goals:
1. Get a Job Status: In Progress?? - No, really, not done
I've decided to stay away from accounting; I went on a few interviews, and try as I might, my distaste for the profession must have shown through. It's not that I don't respect accountants, I do! But, being one is just not for me (yet)!

2. Pay down 50% of my debt Status - Pending, see above
Hasn't gone up by much but my interest rates are skyrocketing suddenly which means the balances will start going up soon. Sell my car you say? Still considering the option.

Physical Goals:
1. Reach new goal weight of 129lbs Status: On Track
I've fluctuated up and down but overall have dropped from 143 to about 138 since then. I'm satisfied with my progress as this is a lifestyle goal, not just a weight loss goal.

2. Train and race a bike w the BF Status: Modified to Bike ride with BF regularly.
I found out that unless I purchase a new bike and gear I cannot race a bike. However, BF just purchased a new bike (his old one was OLD and had a broken wheel) and the weather is improving. We've been on a couple rides and I plan to ride with him weekly starting in April (I'm traveling a lot in the next two weeks)

3. Run at least 15 miles each week Status: Modified to Let knee heal and be ready to start training in May.
Right before my last race in February, I was diagnosed with Pes Anserine Bursitis (funny because I am ridiculously flexible and it's caused by tight hamstrings, go figure) and have been SLOWLY and carefully (with a few over extended setbacks) nursing it back to health over the last couple months. I've started to run again slowly and carefully. I am pretty confident I will be ready to start hard core training come May 1st (*knocking on wood*)

Emotional Goals: (crap, why am I reliving this?? - oh yeah, so I can be a happy cheery smily person more often :-D)
1. Find ways to improve my emotional health Status: not started (I think)
I suppose I have been working on this without realizing. Throughout my roller coaster of a job hunt, I've made an effort to recognize my immature and fear driven behavior, reflect and find the cause, and work on eliminating the negativity. It's been difficult and exhausting. It may be time to start making a conscious effort towards this goal so I don't have to relive the cycle every week or two.

2. Blog 2-3 times per week Status: Varied
At times I've far exceeded this goal and at others I've neglected it completely. This pretty much coincides with the previously mentioned "roller coaster of a job hunt." I am determined to stop flaking on this goal as it might currently be the one most likely to help me stay sane.

3. Network Status: Not so much
Still feeling very insecure, shy, and like an imposition. Actually, I often feel even more like one. I am coming up on SIX months of unemployment and each day seems more hopeless (re: job hunt) This is when i really NEED to strive for this goal.

Mental Goals:
1. Take 2 Classes Status: On Track!
I am currently preparing for the final in my Chinese class and I am currently signed up for 3 Class for the Spring term. Chinese 2 and two personal training courses online (more on that later...)

2. Read at least 2 books per month Status: kinda sorta
I read three books in January and one since then....I might still be able March. Yes, yes I will!

Miscellaneous Goals:
1. Learn to Knit hats and blankets Status: Plenty of time
Haven't started this yet, but it's a low priority item at the moment. Not sweating it.

2. Post "link Love" 2-3 times per month Status: Whoops
I may have done 2 since then :-D Will work on it.

Next step is to make monthly goal lists to help ensure I am striving to meet my goals.

Maybe I will start with making a list of Goals for the remainder of March...tomorrow.

Night All!

Thank you, and you, and you and....Linky Linky Edition

First off - My apologies for my lack of blogging and my downer attitude lately. I'm still in a bit of a funk, but now I am making an effort to be gentle with myself about it and slowly work through it. What I have been doing lately is forcing myself into good moods and not actually dealing with the situation(s) at hand. So, in an effort to pull myself out of this in a healthy and sustainable way, I will be sharing more and more.

To start I want to thank everyone who sent me good wishes on both twitter and through my blog. Having a place to vent my nuts-o-ness is very very helpful.

In addition to writing, reading is great therapy. I finally caught up on my Google Reader today (after a week long hiatus) and found that there are so many people facing the same struggles or who have overcome them. My reads always leave me inspired and relaxed. I figure I should stop taking that for granted...

Here's a taste of what I've been relating too and drawing strength from:

On Money:

FCN listed some *interesting* money making ideas...I'm not beyond considering some of them!

J.D. at Get Rich Slowly helped me avert some spending by considering these questions....well, he hasn't yet, but he will next time I leave the house. This should be really helpful in achieving my "don't by anything (even food) until you've exhausted all options already available at HOME" goal (more on my recent goals to come).

Free From Broke discussed using Google calendar to stay on top of bills. I used to do that but have neglected to track much of anything since losing my job in October. Time to shape up...not having a job should not = laziness and inefficiency!!

Leo at Zen Habits suggested some HUGE ways to save. Got me thinking about my car. I love, Love, LOVE it! But, given the fact that the payment alone eats up a huge chunk of my unemployment, I am finding it hard to justify keeping it for anything other than "I WANT". I really need to put some serious thought into this. Any opinions out there??

Kevin at lifehacker reminded me to get off my self-pittying butt and get on those credit card companies to help me take a load off!!

Revanche got me thinking about my own pride and insecurities about asking for/accepting financial help. Just being on unemployment makes me feel like a giant leach...and don't even get me started how much I feel like a gold-digging jerk for having a wonderfully patient BF who is happily helping me make it through this shitty economy. Now, if it ever comes to having to ask someone else for help...Jeebus help me, I might just explode!

On Productivity (or lack there-of):

Blunt Money hit the nail on the head. I am also guilty of putting off things that I don't understand; even more, I put off things that just seem overwhelming. This, of course, only makes them seem more and more unmanageable. Kind of like writing over the last couple weeks....

The Wisdom Journal really struck a cord with me in this post. I definitely see-saw between these two mindsets. Recently, though, I have been nothing but a feeler: I've let my fears and hardships cloud my life. Not good, not good.

Zen Habits guest post by UrbanMonk was incredibly motivating. I'm going to give his exercise a try and report back.

On my Career/Job/Future:

On the plus side - Squawkfox brightened my day by telling me my resume is actually in pretty good shape; being action-word laden and all!

Another one from Zen Habits that helped me out. Jonathan just put into writing all the things I already know about myself. I am frightened, insecure, and afraid of judgment ... and it's holding me back. I have a plan to overcome this...

J.D.'s post at Get Rich Slowly about Finding Jobs right now gave me a swift kick in the arse and reminded me that giving up is not an option.

FCN is helping me overcome some of that fear I keep talking about. I am starting to formulate a plan, and this post come into play when I work on it. (I'll fill you all in soon!)

On Health, Fitness, & Sanity:

Over at Paid Twice I'm reminded that despite my own "problems", others need support with theirs. This post inspired me to reevaluate my own goals AND stop being so selfish and narrow minded about my situation.

Totally relating to L.L. I spent a beautiful weekend on a beach with my BF while having Pink Eye! UGH!! Our intimacy consisted of him carefully grabbing my face and kissing the "healthy side" Sooooo romantic! lols

Ms. Caitlin inspired my yummy lunch today. Check out my food photo-journal in the sidebar.

I've also been drawing strength and support from One Little Fish. I hope she doesn't lose faith in people completely! We're still out there! *Hugs* and Strength, One Little Fish.

And, of course, some funnies:

Searching for the yeti lists 9 words women use. I am guilty! So going to try and get BF to comment on all of these! I'll report back ... *must find tape recorder*

My kitties heartily agree with this little cutey:

And there are soooo many more bloggers out there that I adore and read daily. Thank you all for having the courage to share your lives! :)

Unraveling

I just spent a good half an hour sitting in my car in a parking spot in front of the apartment bawling my eyes out. The 3 hours before that I spent at the gym doing yoga, a short run, and pilates. And 30 mins before that I found out I am, again, unemployed.

This is month 6. I have held it together. Small bouts of depression here and there, but so far I've pulled myself up and made it through. And I know I will again, but this time, it will be harder. This brief fling with work and having it snatched away again is breaking me.

Writing this is hard but, hopefully, therapeutic. The overwhelming flood of tears and disappointment is crushing. Walking up my stairs and through my door felt like a death sentence. The thought of telling BF the news feels like the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Clearly, my mind is out of whack right now.

Even as I type through the weeping, I know...this isn't so bad, BF and I have and will both deal with much more world crushing news. But I can't feel that. I feel like there is a 10 ton weight sitting on my chest making breathing quite a chore. I feel like the walls of my apartment are closing in. I want to pack my suitcase and book a flight back to the Midwest and curl up on the couch next to my mom, sister, and best friend. No words, I just want everyone else to disappear and leave me alone. I want the sun to hide and the rain to pour to match my mood and calm my nerves.

I don't mean to scare anyone...I just need to get this out so I don't breakdown completely...and I need some water....

Back from the Dead

Sorry I've been kinda MIA. Got a little down about the job hunt and dealt with the worst bout of PMS I've had in about 3 years. Cramps, irritability, extreme bloating....seriously, not sure why it hit me so bad this time!

ANYWAY, I'm Back :-D

...and with some good news! I have work! At least for the month of March, maybe more...
Even more exciting is that I am working with a good friend, former colleague, and mentor; so I am learning a TON!

Only difficult part (other than giving up all the "me time" I got used to since October) is working from home. It's nice in that I can get up and make healthy snacks and lunches etc when necessary and tend to little things that come up around the house. But my home no longer feels like a sanctuary, I feel a little like I am never really "off" for the day which makes it harder to relax in the evening and harder to focus when working. And it's putting a little strain on BF and me (but that's really just adjusting to the change)

I'm hoping over the next few weeks I'll find ways to make it more comfortable. First thought is a TV for our bedroom...

I've historically been against the TV in bedroom idea and BF has always really wanted one in there. And now I think it might not be a bad idea. Since my "office" area is kind of attached to the living room, it would be nice to be able to escape from it completely into another room to unwind and watch some TV.

Does anyone have any other thoughts on making a home office work in a 1 bedroom apartment?

Things I like today....

1. FINALLY having some interviews. Not 100% sure on how these will pan out but at least I am finally getting some positive responses and meeting. Much needed ego-boost!

2. Big city career fashion. The power of a great pair of slacks, crisp collared shirt, funky yet professional heels and a black belted trench is so awesome. I love it, I miss it, I WANT it. It's been so refreshing to suit up and walk the SF financial district between interviews. I felt human again.

3. Feeling wonderfully sore. I exercise A LOT, so I rarely feel much soreness anymore. Since last Thursday, however, I've taking a few new athletic conditioning classes and man have I felt them! I love that "proof" of physical improvement.

4. Playing relationship counselor. I'm honored to be asked to be someone's ear and shoulder in trying times. Even more, I am absolutely flattered to be asked for advice. And most thrilling - realizing just how much BF and I have grown and how much I've learned about successful relationships and all that goes into them. I feel blessed.

5. Playing phone tag with the baby sis. Yes, I would love to actually talk to her, but the tag is fun too. We always leave each other goofy messages back and forth; they make my day.

6. My kitties. I just want to squeeze them, and pinch them, and hug them, and dance with them, and baby talk them.....yeah, I know, it's really torture to them (and BF). But they are just so darn cute and loving; I can't help it!

7. Pasghetti.....mmmmm

8. TV time with BF...now! Yay!

Toodles! :)

Turkey Stuffed Pepper Recipe! (& other stuffs)

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!

I've been inspired by SmarterFitter Blog and decided that, beginning Monday, I will start a photo food diary. I will not torture you all with it here since I do not have awesomely great photography skills or super sleek tableware. I may post the occasional item in my blog, of course, but I will mostly just use a flickr feed in my sidebar so you can click through at your own risk ;-)


I also have this DELICIOUS turkey stuffed pepper recipe. I made mine in a crock pot, but you can just do it on the stove by simmering at low/medium heat for about an hour (this is my understanding anyway).

Here goes:

Please note I have a 5.5-6Qt oval crockpot and made 6 stuffed peppers. So if yours is smaller adjust accordingly (modified from here with some tips from a close friend)

Ingredients
6 Bell Peppers (any color)
1 (1-1.25lbs) Package Lean/XtraLean Ground Turkey
1 cup cooked rice (i used instant brown rice)
1 can of tomatoes - any kind
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce (optional)
1 jar pasta sauce
1/2 small/medium onion (finely chopped)
some carrots(grated)
celery (finely chopped)
clove of garlic
any misc veggies you want to use up (finely chopped)
salt, pepper, garlic powder(optional) to taste

Instructions
carefully cut off the tops of the peppers and clean them out, keeping the tops
Chop and brown onions, carrots, garlic
Lightly brown the turkey (optional, I am paranoid about poultry)
Combine everything EXCEPT 1/2 jar of pasta sauce and the bell peppers
Stuff the peppers
Nestle them in the crock pot (no tops yet)
Pour remaining pasta sauce over the top letting it spill over into the crock pot
Put on the tops (cute and they add a bit more flavor)
Add approx 1/3 cup water to the crock pot (not to the peppers)
Cook on low for 6-8 hours (about 6.5 was perfect when I did them)

You'll probably have some stuffing left over, i just sauteed it all and ate it up, it was delish!

Shop Attack!!

Banned from Whole Foods...
by myself.
I went to Whole Foods for a quick bite of sushi... and came out with a *bit* extra

I justify the bread and milk because we were out of them; so they may be a tad pricier than TJs but I can save some time by not making multiple grocery stops.

Bagelettes - I questioned "how often am I able to finish an entire bagel without passing out from a carb-induced coma?!!? Not often!" Unless I am thoroughly hungover, a full bagel makes me feel slugish and stuffed. So, the bageletts are the perfect solution! Throw on a dab of peanut butter and maybe a slice of apple or banana and voila! A balanced, yummy, and well portioned breakfast...mmmmm

Raspberry Tea Scones - no justification. I wanted them... considered for a brief minute whether I needed them or not... decided I didn't, and then put them in my basket anyways! DONE!

Brownies - I got myself the scones so the chocoholic BF of mine deserves a treat too, right?

Sushi - Well, that's what I came for!

So, $35 and lots of unneeded calories later I decided that I am banning myself from Whole Foods until I can keep my addiction to delicious organic snacks in check.

Job Hunt Wish List
Things I decided I will treat myself to once I acquire an awesome job!

1. Boots! I know I originally wanted these. And, while those are still quite enticing, they are just a bit too pricey for me. Plus, I really prefer flats that I can dress up or down easily. These luscious Born boots are perfect in price, look, and functionality!

2. Pretty, sexy, classy shoes! I may back out of these by the time the job rolls around but I am completely lusting after them for now. Yum!

3. Practical, cute, plaid wool coat. I have cats and a black wool pea coat. I love the coat but if I want it to look amazing all the time I pretty much have to keep it out of the house or I end up looking like my cats nap on it regularly (they don't!). This one from Urban Outfitters is much more practical for everyday wear and won't attract or show as much cat hair and it's adorable!

4. I still want that navy dress from VS I mentioned before.

5. Adidas and Kyodan workout clothes that don't make my bottom look like it's been suddenly deflated. (believe me, I have a A LOT of bum naturally, so I am not comfortable looking flat in that area)

I think I have a pretty reasonable list here.
Now if I can only get that job!!

You know you've been unemployed for WAY too long when...

1. you don't want to leave your computer to go pee because you might miss something....on the internet

2. you see BF sign off of his work IM screen name and think "shit, I should probably put on some real clothes & brush my teeth!"

3. ...and 20 minutes later you finally jump up and start doing that.

4. you become a pro at washing the dishes, throwing out the trash, cleaning the litter box, sweeping the floors, dusting, vacuuming, and making the bed in under 15 minutes.

5. you update facebook/twitter/blogger/etc. at least every 30 minutes.

6. you also refreshed each of the above mentioned networks every 5 minutes to see is anyone responded to your updates…and you kinda feel betrayed when they haven’t.

7. you finally catch up on everything in your Google reader....

8. and panic because that means you might have to leave your computer!

9. you consider canceling lunch/dinner/breakfast dates because it would interfere with your blogging/facebook watching schedule

10. you start eating and drinking in the kitchen over the sink to avoid creating more dirty dishes (that would royally interfere with your 5pm cleanup routine)

11. expiration dates become suggestions ....

12. and you fill the empty fruit bowl in the kitchen with decorative yarn balls to avoid going to the grocery store.

13. you forget how to remove the gas cap because you haven't had to pump gas in about 8 weeks...

14. and sometimes you just forget how to drive altogether.

Now, I am not saying I am guilty of all these things...

But then again I'm not saying I'm not guilty of all of these either.....

What do you find yourself doing when unemployed (or just massively bored/unmotivated)?

"Bad" Day

Things that are making me Happy
1. My wonderfully supportive and patient BF who is graciously dealing with the emotional roller coaster that is my job/career search.
2. I reached the goal weight I set for myself a year and a half ago. That was two days ago...might not still be the case. But at least I reached it!
3. My kitties. Their cuteness never ceases to amaze me.
4. Pretty new music I found.
5. Great friends & family.
6. My abs are sore!


Things that are making me Sad
1. A friend is not speaking to me....again.
2. I don't have a job or even any exciting prospects.
3. I can't run for a few more weeks.

The most frustrating thing about that list is the number of positives vs negatives. Clearly, even on a "bad" day, there are more good things floating around. But, try as I might, pushing the job sitch out of my head is getting harder every day.

So, tomorrow I will apply for the gazillion jobs that sound somewhat appealing and fit my skills. Hopefully that will settle my nerves for a while.

A Dress to Match a Necklace

So, I wore this necklace last weekend with an adorable gray dress.

And it struck me after looking at the photos that I had been seeing that pink color all over the place with bright navy colors. So, now I am on the hunt for the perfect navy dress to match the necklace.

Here's one I like a lot so far from VS:


Now I'm wondering if I'm nuts for wanting to buy a dress to match an accessory. Seems backwards a bit...no?

Journey to Debt - Part 3 - Leading to the Now

(You can catch up here -> Part 1 - Student Live, Part-2 - Post Graduation)

Finally, in late 2008, the fruit of my attempts began to show. I had paid off all my store cards, paid off my lasik surgery bill, paid off my smallest major CC balance, and was only $3,000 from paying off the next card so I could tackle the largest one. And then, as soon as I started to breath a sigh of relief, I got laid off.

The amazing thing is, since October, my credit card balance has remained steady, my car and student loan balances have gone down, and I have a (very small) emergency fund (thank you severance)! My (seemingly) worst financial crisis turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to my finances. The minute we got laid off it all snapped into place. All those worries about finances and priorities just aligned. I suddenly understood the difference between "need" and "want". I realized my 30 pairs of shoes and multitude of dresses and skirts did nothing for me beyond the fleeting moment of excitement of wearing them for the first time.

There were still hard moments leading to the here and now. Making it through the holidays without touching my credit cards was by far the most difficult part. I, like my mom, have always been a very generous gift giver. I value and adore my family and friends, and I want them to know it! This made buying Christmas gifts on a budget very emotionally trying for me. In the end, I probably spent more than necessary, but at least I didn't touch my cards or my severance. That was a huge step for me.

Since the Holidays I've limited shopping to needs only. I've made it a point to not touch my remaining severance EVEN for bills. I have been paying for bills and groceries with my unemployment insurance (BF pays for rent) and I have only purchased 2 "cute" items (an adorable purse that was only $13 and dress for $16 both on major clearance).

The best moment came last week. I had an interview at a pretty cool company. Given that I have dropped 2 complete dress sizes since my last job hunt, I needed a suite jacket. I had a pair of great pants but no blazer. So I popped into the mall on my way to the interview, picked up a jacket that perfectly matched my pants and a pair of shoes that didn't make me want to kill someone from blinding pain. The total cost came to $200.

Normally, that sudden but needed expense, would have sent me into a worry induced migraine. But it didn't. I left my local mall with only what I needed in hand and with no anxiety about overdrafts or interest rates. It was amazing. After just three weeks of NOT shopping and NOT submitting to my wants and NOT putting myself in tempting situations and paying my bills FIRST I had learned (sort of) to manage my money.

I get it now; finally, 3.5 years after entering the "real world" I get it. I'm glad I did not get a job sooner because I believe I would have just continued my selfish spending habits. I'm ready to find a job now, a job I like, not just need. And I am confident that within 12 months of getting said job, I will be free of credit card debt, almost free of student and car loan debts, have a less-tiny emergency fund, and will be helping BF save for our wedding (and maybe rent, he'd love that!).

I know the challenges are far from over, but I finally feel I am appropriately armed to take them on. I plan to add a Part 4 to this series in 2010 telling you I made it out!

*Note: This is the final "official" part, but I'm sure there will be more on this is the future of LFMM :-)

Journey to Debt - Part 2 - Post Graduation

(You can catch up here -> Part 1 - Student Live)

I graduated with a mere $1,000 of credit card debt and about $12,000 in student loans. All in all, I did pretty well. I had landed an internship my senior year that turned into a well paying full time position upon graduation. I moved in with BF and we split some bills but he took the brunt of them while I was "paying off my loans."

This takes us to right before things got COMPLETELY out of hand. I look back at the years above and just want to go back and scream at myself! Throughout those years I felt pinched for cash. I allowed myself every luxury (by college student standards) but when it came to bills, books, rent, gas - I was always at a loss. That should have sent off sirens, alarms, bells; I should have WOKEN UP. But, I didn't.

Three months after I graduated with a BS in Accounting (yes, I know, kinda ironic) BF received a career breaking job offer in California. It was a dream! So we moved and realized that dreams don't come easy.

I spent the first year in a pretty depressed state. In addition to the relationship pressures of my graduation and us moving in together, add to that moving clear across the country with absolutely NO network except on high school friend of BF. This was the rockiest time in our relationship and, to date, our lives.

When I finally snapped out of my depression, got a job at a fun young company, and made some friends, I was stunned. In my state of depression I had racked up a whopping $20,000 in credit card debt, purchased a new used car for another $17,000 after taxes and interest, and had BF fully furnish the apartment, with furniture we ended up hating, to fill the empty space. It was a rude awakening to say the least.

Since then I have struggled to pay down my debt. Between BFF's weddings, trips home, Christmases, birthdays, socializing, etc - it was hard. Every time I made headway, something came up and brought me back to my starting point.

I look back now and realize I wasn't really into the debt reduction. I was letting debt control me instead of taking control of it.

Meme meeee

Fabulously Broke in the City posted this earlier and I always love an excuse to not leave my computer when I should!

Rules: Go through the list and highlight what applies to you. Here goes:

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars -- With a boy (innocently!) in Poland when I was an itty bitty teen and got into a good deal of trouble for it with my Grandma after!

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland - When I was 7, but sadly, I have a horrible memory and don't remember much at all.

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis - my college bf and I found a pregnant one outside his window and nursed it to birth. They're pretty cute!

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch - knitting, i did have some help from a BFF, does that count?

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight - have 'em with BF all the time

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill --- C'mon! Who hasn't?!?

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping <---i totally want to

27. Run a Marathon -- do three halfs count??

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse -- We went outside to see one when I was in grade school

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise - day cruises count right?

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language - learning my 3rd (4th if you include English) now

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo's David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance - when I was like 2 I think.

47. Had your portrait painted - the carnival caricature thingys count right?!?

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout cookies - and now I buy them from my nieces

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job -- got laid off in October?

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London.

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating -- FB said "Does fish count?" and I ditto.

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a lawsuit

98. Owned a cellphone

99. Been stung by a bee -- At LEAST FOUR times...and I am becoming progressively more allergic!

100. Read an entire book in one day

Fun!

Boots! I want these boots!

On the heels of my debt journey divulging post...

I found these boots this morning on Think Classy and I think I am withering away by the minute here trying to figure out how to justify spending $350 on a pair of boots that are EVERYTHING I want in brown boots....


Drooooooooool

Journey to Debt - Part I - Student Life

As a child, money was never a topic of discussion in my household. When I was a teenager, my parents split and it was my mom, lil' sis, and me. My mom had a job that paid the bills and, seemingly, allowed for a fashionable and fun lifestyle. In reality she was up to her eyeballs in debt and was choosing to ignore it.

My mom would always say that we were low on money then turn around and blow $500+ in a weekend shopping for lil' sis and me. And this was a pretty regular occurrence. As I got older I started to understand a LITTLE bit more.

I started my first job at 16 and made roughly $100 per week. Since I had never really handled more than about $20 at a time, I was THRILLED. This meant I could go shopping and buy what I wanted when I wanted! So I did. At the time I didn't know much about high fashion and designers so the $100/week pretty much allowed me enough freedom to buy just about anything I wanted.

As I got close to college I learned a little bit more. I learned that I should never get into credit card debt, but having a credit card is important to "build credit" (didn't quite know what that meant yet). So, I went off to college with my credit card in hand. I barely used it, and when I, did I paid it almost in full each time, keeping just a small balance to "build credit". I worked a couple small jobs on campus, had a pretty decent financial aide package (including loans), and received financial support from my mom.

In my first year of college I accumulated close to $10,000 in student loan debt (that school actually cost $30,000/year, so I made out ok). I knew that wasn't good so I transfered schools. I ended up at a respected state university, a bit farther from home, with my tuition completely covered and a federal loan for other living costs. My mom bought me a used car, paid in full (by her home equity line of credit, ugh), and sent me on my way.

I used my biannual loan disbursments to buy books and go shopping. Sometimes the money went to my pay off my credit card, sometimes it went to rent and bills, but I never saved. I believed that as long as I kept my credit card balance under contol, I was golden. And with the financial support from my mom, I didn't really think twice. I knew she was in credit card debt and was proud of me for keeping my balance under control. That had to mean I was on the right track.

Frosted Mini Wheats

I have a dilemma with Frosted Mini-Wheat cereals. Most flavors are so tasty and filling. They're a great balance for my sweet tooth and healthy habits.

They cost as much as a regular box of cereal, but, because they are so bulky, there are only half as many servings per box (at best).

So, now I'm torn. As yummy as the blueberry flavored ones are (that I finished today), do I really want to buy more?

I could just go out and buy MultiGrain Cheerios or a nice granola mix which are just as healthy (if not more) and will last twice as long (if I adhere to serving suggestions). But the Blueberry Muffin Frosted Mini-Wheats were just so goooooooooooood.

Or, maybe, I should hold off to decide until all the household cereal is out....

Bits of Joy

I was immensely happy today, for no particular reason. I thought I'd share some of the things that made me smile today!

1. My kitties giving me loads of hugs all day and this adorable post that is just like them:

2. I only paid $13.95 to get my taxes done start to finish on TaxACT. I compared the final numbers with what TurboTax or TaxCut would have given and they were exactly the same. Who doesn't love saving $35?!?

3. The BF graciously helped me with some homework and sent me some good references for future help. I know it's silly, but I always feel like a million bucks when he thinks of me for the little things through out the day :-)

4. I caught myself singing out loud everything I thought all morning ... and that really made me happy!

5. This story that was just on Consumerist and this one that I found in SSG's blogroll because they were just HIGH-larious.

6. Two friends and former colleagues sent me great job opportunities. It's great to know I'm remembered!

7. My baby sis sent me some pics of her an her pink hair and latest romantic fling. I so love seeing her happy.

8. My job interview (for my fall back career)was eye opening but good. Not sure if it was great, but it made me realize that I definitely want to stick with my career change and not panic and fall back just because times are a bit tough.

9. People are reading my blog! you guys are the best <3

10. Sunny California weather. *crossing fingers that the unseasonably warm weather lasts*

11. The stew I made yesterday was delish today!

Beautiful Fakeness

This post drives me nuts. Okay, not the article itself, but the subject matter and how it manifests in my life. (I think the article is pretty great and I should probably print and post it right between my two computer monitors.)

In the last 15 months I have completely revamped my body. By all "normal" standards I look and feel pretty good. I am able to run 13 miles without collapsing, I can comfortably wear a size 4 in most brands and I can (sometimes) confidently wear a bikini where appropriate. I should feel proud of myself, and most of the time I do (except PMS days).

But then, at least weekly, I will look at a magazine or watch a TV show and I find myself wondering how much more weight I would need to lose to look like that! I'm a smart girl; I know that those actresses and models are touched up and caked with layers of makeup. But I can't help it, I still compare myself to them on occasion. These moments are rather rare in comparison to my "before" days, but on some rough days all I can do is scarf down chocolate cake and stare at the women I will never be .. and it still hurts, still makes me feel inadequate, and still makes BF want to throw all my magazines and the TV out the window.

And who can blame him! He's smart enough to know those women aren't real, or if they are, they aren't healthy. Why shouldn't I know that? I spent 15 months revamping my life only to fall back into these moments of self loathing. It's ridiculous. And even more ridiculous, is the magazines. Every magazine I read preaches "love yourself" "be healthy" "don't diet, get fit" etc etc. But yet, they airbrush the models accompanying those messages to be thinner and more "flawless" than they already are. Why the all this pain causing hypocrisy?

I have to say though, after exploring the links that Elizabeth provided about touch ups, I don't feel quite so inadequate.

PS. this also makes me wonder if the "fat" celebrity photos are touched up to make them look worse than they actually might.

5 Things I Learned From This Last Race

Nothing better than a crisp and sunny morning and a warm cup of coffee to accompany my race reflection! Mmmmm.....

1. My amazing BF will forever say things like this: (conversation takes place 3 hours into our 6 hour car ride to the hotel)

BF: My head's kinda bothering me.

Me: Have some water.

BF: I had like 10 bottles yesterday!

Me: That doesn't carry over into today you know?

BF: I'll be fine, I don't want to be stopping for the bathroom every 20 mins.

Me: Okay, well let me know when you want some water.

BF: Okay, but only if you stop nagging me about it *big proud smile knowing he shocked me*

Me: *with a joking glare* Come on! I don't nag! You're always telling me about you buddies' annoying gfs and wives and how I'm all not like that!!!

BF: You're right. *thinks for a little bit* Well, you know dear, it's like - just because I have a really nice car already doesn't mean I can't want a nicer onnne uh.....

Me: *JAW DROP*

BF: Uhhhhhhh, wait, no, that's not what I meant!

2. All Italian restaurants within a 10 mile radius of a race will be packed the night before with carbo-loading runners. So, if you are told you have a 45 minute wait, just wait! (or get take out) because driving around for 45 minutes trying to find a good but not busy pasta joint will only double your wait time and result in hungry and irritated monsters.

3. Staying in the hotel right on the Start Line is worth the extra $80 or so. Otherwise, BF spends 2 hours driving the 3 miles to and from the start line trying to find parking - which has the potential to make him cranky.

4. Being slightly under prepared for a race will help you run your best time because your body feel great while running, but...

5. Being slightly under prepared for a race will make you more sore than you've ever been in you life the next day. *whimper while shifting in chair*

Running & Twitter

I ran my 3rd half marathon today! It was a great run, perfect weather, course right along the ocean, breathtaking. I also set a personal record. I finished the 13.1 miles in 2:12:04. I ran an average 10:05 mile! That is a 35 15 second per mile improvement over my previous best. Let me tell you, I was quite shocked!

On the down side: my knees are incredibly stiff and sore right now. That's okay though; nothing a couple days of ibuprofen overdoses and ice packs won't cure ;-)

And also, I finally got myself up and running on twitter so come follow me...

** Update: Apparently My first Race was run at a 10:19 min mile pace finishing in 2:15:40. I have a bad memory!!! Still made my best time with this last race so the pride sticks ;)

Old School Link Love

And by "old school" I mean 2008 ;-)

I'm running my 3rd half marathon this Sunday! I am excited and nervous this time. I am not as well trained for this race as my two previous ones so I'm not sure what to expect.

I was just going through the starred items in my Google reader and thought I'd share some of my favorite health & fitness articles from last year.

Some of my favorite tips for brand new runners and healthy living from Leo at ZenHabits. The helped get me off my butt last year!

Here's a challenge I meant to try and never got around to. Post race will be the prefect time.

JD at Get Fit Slowly highlights the best things about getting healthy and Mac delves into our relationship with food.

Some fun, cheap, and healthy beauty tips from Andrea at Wise Bread. The first one is my favorite ;-p

I wonder which runner's pose I'll take for my race day glamor shots?!

Trent at The Simple Dollar suggests abandoning some goals (gasp!!) to stay sane

Sally suggested some great health inspiring holiday gifts that, I think, can be used year round :)

And, finally, I have to leave you with some cute!