Beautiful Fakeness

This post drives me nuts. Okay, not the article itself, but the subject matter and how it manifests in my life. (I think the article is pretty great and I should probably print and post it right between my two computer monitors.)

In the last 15 months I have completely revamped my body. By all "normal" standards I look and feel pretty good. I am able to run 13 miles without collapsing, I can comfortably wear a size 4 in most brands and I can (sometimes) confidently wear a bikini where appropriate. I should feel proud of myself, and most of the time I do (except PMS days).

But then, at least weekly, I will look at a magazine or watch a TV show and I find myself wondering how much more weight I would need to lose to look like that! I'm a smart girl; I know that those actresses and models are touched up and caked with layers of makeup. But I can't help it, I still compare myself to them on occasion. These moments are rather rare in comparison to my "before" days, but on some rough days all I can do is scarf down chocolate cake and stare at the women I will never be .. and it still hurts, still makes me feel inadequate, and still makes BF want to throw all my magazines and the TV out the window.

And who can blame him! He's smart enough to know those women aren't real, or if they are, they aren't healthy. Why shouldn't I know that? I spent 15 months revamping my life only to fall back into these moments of self loathing. It's ridiculous. And even more ridiculous, is the magazines. Every magazine I read preaches "love yourself" "be healthy" "don't diet, get fit" etc etc. But yet, they airbrush the models accompanying those messages to be thinner and more "flawless" than they already are. Why the all this pain causing hypocrisy?

I have to say though, after exploring the links that Elizabeth provided about touch ups, I don't feel quite so inadequate.

PS. this also makes me wonder if the "fat" celebrity photos are touched up to make them look worse than they actually might.